The Art of Deep Rest
The question of deep rest goes beyond our physical needs. This is not only about our body. It is also about our mind, emotions, and most importantly, our soul.
Once you’ve worked a little on your foundations — eating, moving, and sleeping — you’ll quickly discover that there are additional layers to your energy.
In this article, we’ll explore the source of exhaustion, how we can protect and enhance our life force, and learn to channel it in the direction of our soul.
1. Understanding exhaustion
Exhaustion stems from excessive behavior.
This applies to your habits, your work, and your relationships.
When you give into excess, it will feel like you are forcing something.
In other words, you are going against your natural flow.
The easiest way to see this, is to be aware of your energy and your stomach.
When you are acting forcefully, your belly will contract and become dense. Your digestive system will constrict. You will find it difficult to breathe deeply and be relaxed in your body.
What’s more, you will also feel your energy exhausting itself. And I’m not only talking about feeling tired. This is exhaustion. Something you will still feel even after a good night of sleep.
Applied to real life, this shows up when we say yes to situations that feel forceful.
This could be an employer asking you to work overtime, while your body is screaming for rest. Or a relationship that has turned into co-dependence.
The truth is, you will feel it in your body. The question is whether or not you will ignore these feelings and deny your needs.
Our whole culture is based on excess, so it is likely that you have these patterns wired within you.
You say yes, when you should say no.
You consume excessively, work too much, and never spend time alone.
The purpose here is not to add more judgment to our patterns, but to free ourselves. And free your energy for what matters most to your soul.
Before we go on, a couple of questions for you to contemplate:
Where am I wasting my energy on excessive behaviors?
What drains and exhausts my soul?
“If you don’t know how to say no, your body will say it to you through physical illness.” — Gabor Maté
2. The art of boundaries
On our way to reclaiming our life force, we will need to learn how to create healthy boundaries.
We do not create boundaries for other people. These are first here to preserve our precious energy, and allow space for deep rest.
The core practice here is learning how to say “No” when something feels forceful or excessive.
Again, listen to your body and your needs to know what is alignment with you.
The natural path is not a forceful path. It has your heart behind it.
I’ve found there are two keys to creating healthy boundaries.
The first, is to remember you have permission to say no. You have full right to set boundaries when something does not feel right for you.
This may sound basic, but most of us have been taught to acquiesce our power all the time. When something says no in our gut, we say yes because it is safer, or we don’t want to offend someone.
The cost is your life force. Nothing less.
This first step begins by acknowledging your power and your right to set boundaries.
When something feels like a no, there is a reason. And because somebody needs or wants something from you, does not mean you have to do it.
I struggled a lot with this, because I did not want to hurt other people with my boundaries.
Yet, by being dishonest, I was hurting myself more than I could hurt anyone else.
Not everyone gets to have access to your precious energy. You decide when you need to preserve it, and where you want to invest it.
The second key, is resolve. Setting boundaries and saying no, is above all an act of will. In some cases, it requires courage.
Remember that this is how you reclaim your power and your lost energy.
With this resolve, you can invest your energy in what feeds you soul and what feels like your most natural path.
It isn’t because everyone else around us functions on excess and force, that we have to do the same.
You have the power to change this by reclaiming your boundaries. You have the right to say no.
And this alone, can completely change your life.
Where do I need to say “no” and communicate my boundaries?
Affirm to yourself “I have permission to say no and set boundaries to protect my energy”
3. The path that fuels your soul
When you say an authentic “Yes” to life, that feels true to your heart, it will fuel you.
When you decide to prioritize your self-care and your needs, your entire life transforms.
We need selfishness to be selfless.
Otherwise, we are just walking towards burnout.
The path that feels most natural, is often the most efficient one — the one of least resistance.
As you are acting on it, the path will nourish you. You may work harder than you ever have, but you will do so with heart and joy.
That is the power of boundaries.
When you act in alignment with your soul, it may feel like surrender.
This may require changes that your mind cannot comprehend. You may walk away from a job, a relationship, or an excessive behavior.
Whereas, this requires strength of will in the beginning, eventually, you will get stronger and stronger.
As you say no to what feels forceful and excessive, you are regaining precious energy. You aren’t wasting your resources anymore.
This energy can now be redirected to what most matters to you.
The callings in your heart. The whispers of your soul.
What fuels my soul? What do I most enjoy doing?
How can I take better care of my precious energy?
4. The gift of relaxation
Deep rest is mostly about learning to deeply relax in our body.
This is unique to each individual, so I can only share suggestions. Ultimately, this is about finding what nourishes your body and your soul.
As you may know, we have subtle bodies. Our physical body, is only one dimension of who we are.
This is why you can have all the best habits in the world and still feel exhausted or get cancer.
To deeply relax is to find activities where your nervous system can completely let go.
For me, the heart is a good guide here. When you do something you truly love, you feel it in your heart.
This can be a walk in nature, a conversation with a dear friend, practicing an art without expectations…
I can only promise that the more you do activities that you love, the more energy you will have available.
A simple practice I encourage anyone to adopt, is the art of pausing.
Simply learning to pause throughout the day. Just a few minutes, repeated as you go through your days.
This is to me one of the most life-changing practices there is.
A pause is a moment of inner presence. A few conscious breaths, feeling your body, relaxing, and looking at the sky.
The more we learn to pause, the more our life slows down.
We notice patterns we never saw before.
We learn to breathe deeply again.
A tip here is to set alarms or have an app like Triple Flame that reminds you to pause throughout the day.
It’s a gentle discipline that doesn’t require hours.
Pauses will give you space to relax through your day, and help you shift when you feel yourself slipping into excess.
What is deeply restful for my soul?
How can I remember to pause throughout my days?
5. Conscious soul-itude
This is perhaps my greatest tip of all — learn how to enjoy being alone with yourself.
No distractions, no TV, no people.
Just you and your heart.
Solitude is often what terrifies people the most, Yet, it is also what can be the most healing.
In conscious solitude, you cannot run away.
Conscious, for you can also get lost in the stories of your mind, which is destructive.
I am talking here about being present with yourself.
Feeling your emotions and being aware of your needs. Which becomes clearer and easier in solitude.
Otherwise, you may always get lost on the outside, and forget to take care of yourself.
A lot of insights and breakthroughs happen for me when I am alone.
When there is no one else to distract myself with. Where I can only feel, allow, and be present within.
To me, solitude often feels like a gestation before giving birth to something.
You can digest your experiences, feelings, emotions… And through this process, arises clarity and creativity.
As the world keeps getting crazier on the outside, we need to become more and more connected on the inside.
Solitude means being present with your soul. Where you can truly listen within.
If you remember anything of this article, remember to take time to be alone. Learn to love being in your own presence.
This is where we get to know who we are and meet our inner world.
How can I create more space for solitude in my life?
How can I feed my body and my soul in equal measure?
This is all I have to share on this vast topic.
Feel what resonated for you. And most importantly, if something felt right in your body, begin to gradually implement it in your life.
Information is only the first step.
Knowledge comes with direct experience.
Wisdom is received when we least expect it.
The best we can do, is practice what resonates with our soul.
This is my request — if something landed for you here, apply it.
Run an experiment for a few weeks.
Prioritize your life force and your heart’s guidance.
For this is how we change the world.
From the inside-out.
A little poem for the brave souls who made it through the entire article:
You have traveled too fast over false ground;
Now your soul has come, to take you back.Take refuge in your senses, open up
To all the small miracles you rushed through.Become inclined to watch the way of rain
When it falls slow and free.Imitate the habit of twilight,
Taking time to open the well of color
That fostered the brightness of day.Draw alongside the silence of stone
Until its calmness can claim you.Be excessively gentle with yourself.
JOHN O'DONOHUE
